Dopamine Detox Part 1

So I have realized my will power has weakened over the last 9 years. I have seen me slowly morph into someone I don't recognize nor like too much. I feel mortality creeping on me like the boogey man or Grimm Reaper. I see new face lines coming in. I don't see vitality and radiance like I felt and see from past pictures. I know I can get it back. I don't even take pictures too much now. Ever since the pandemic and a few other very personal things, it really dimmed my inner light. I am not the cheerful bubbly FeFe I adore and enjoy! I was one who really loved myself and enjoyed myself and my lifestyle. I feel like I have let myself go, and no I am not entirely out of shape or look too much differently than my pervious pictures. I feel like a part of me died and I don't recognize who I am.

I could blame it on being a wife or my children, but that's not really it. Many love to blame aging, but for me, aging is a disease that I refuse to catch or at-least allow to take over me. And after all, my children kept and keep me moving for the most part. Now they are not babies or toddlers and there is way less of me chasing them around preventing self injury and fighting each other or following them in the jungle gyms. The last 2 years I have seen me age more quickly than usual. It is pretty scary and no, there is no new baby on the way or when that has come between these last two years, at least not yet. Also, I have lots of goals that I have not completed or even started. I have tried and failed many times and I get frustrated and discouraged because my attention span and will power seem too shortened and weakened.

l had to ask myself why? What is going on? I know there are some emotional triggers, trauma and personal events that need my attention when they come around. But why cant I focus and meet the set time I had preserved to work on these projects for myself? I have gotten so used to moving for the children and my husband that I seem un-motivated to work on my own goals and seem to have lost my own identity. I got so swept away in enjoying other people's content (movies, shows, social media, videos, etc.) that I observed myself filling in "my time" and attention and energy with other people's thoughts, comments, opinions, and creations playing in my head. I found myself continually on social media way more than I would like, thinking and discussing things that do not benefit or enhance the quality of my life or family. I am way too invested in social media, entertainment and eating out. It is truly an energy drainage. I see that I developed a habit or addiction to these unhealthy habits. Which is normal for many, but for me who was very productive, outgoing, adventurous, active, fit and vibrant.....this ain't it.

For the most part I have been more into the sedentary lifestyle on my screens all day, homeschooling, helping run our businesses from our computers and phones, stressed about things I can't control. For the last year and a few months I have found myself slipping more and more into emotional eating, ordering out, late night snacking, sitting on my butt, mindlessly scrolling on social media or getting lost on youtube with videos.

I am officially 33 as of this past December and I truly feel like I need a reboot and reset to identify with who I am. With who I am being. My question to myself is, "what I am doing for my life? I get my family, my children but for me I have and had goals of my own I would like to complete a few off my list this year and not talk about it or romanticize the idea of it,. but actually be about it.

So I wanted to update you all on where I am on my journey and share because maybe you may feel similar and I am hoping this post inspires and encourages you as well and you know you are not alone if you felt this way. I decided that as of March 1st- May 15th, I will be taking my energy, time, attention and power back and off of social media. I will be deleting the facebook app and instagram off of my phone. I will also delete the app where I order food here in Mexico, which is way too convenient. I am honestly still undecided about youtube and will be reducing my notifications on my phone in general. I want a set time I check emails on my own instead of my emails and phone calling me to them like a slave to this technology. Then, I find myself in all other things on my phone. Especially on social media. I could be doing so much more with my time.

I did some research and social media, entertainment and processed/cooked foods really create instant gratification and keeps dopamine high. These mediums are highly addictive and cause you to lose your self-control and will-power. Your attention span is shortened, you're more impulsive and feel out of touch with self due to continually putting your energy into things that don't really empower you, but stimulate you. Even sex and masturbation is another one that thankful, I broke years ago.

So I will be on a regimen that is not to fixed, but where I get quality sleep which so needed to slow down aging. I'll be turning my phone off 1-2 hours before bed. I will be having a set time to look and respond to emails. I will be putting more presence in my day with our family business, being more mindful and engaged in the moment and see where it takes me. I have done this in the past and I felt more empowered, got in shape, and my radiance and glow came back. Mental health game was on the A, slept like a baby and my mind wasn't running and my fingers weren't scrolling.

I will enjoy my day to day life because I am fully focused on it and I'm not disrupted or looking at what other people have to say, think or look at their lives while living my own.

So I need a damn break for a reset, I will update you all once I completed my detox.